We didn't sleep that much last night. I managed to get a few winks in before daylight, but Nathan and Paul had spent all night fighting. Mom and dad woke up as oblivious as usual and began obeying the demands of whomever assumed the roll of Natalia. The first thing the man behind Natalia asked for was a strong drink, no not just a strong drink but the most full bottle of liqour they had. Mom brought a full bottle of Jack and then welcomed Nathan back home from summer camp. Paul finished half of a bottle of Jack before he would let us explain just what the hell was going on.
He began speaking in Russian, I asked Nathan if he could intrupret but he had forgotten all of the Russian with the lost of her body. Leaving us with a shit faced Paul-as-Natalia in the livingroom speaking a language neither of us understood. I asked Nathan if we should cut him off, he told me that Natalia's body doesn't get hangovers so he should be fine.
I tried changing Nathan back to Natalia, it was the first thing I did while the couple was on the ground shellshocked from the fight. And yet no matter how much I thought about Natalia I couldn't do it. I tried again on Thor, which failed as well. Nothing I could do worked.
I asked Paul to slow down, that thinking too quickly as Natalia defaulted her brain to Russian, but he wouldn't listen. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but from the tone in his voice I could tell it wasn't kind. He yelled the most at Nathan.
"I fucking fucked a seventeen year old. What the fuck is wrong with me?" His rant finally concluded in English.
"I was not seventeen," Nathan got in on the defensive immediatly.
"Nathan!" I snapped.
"But I wasn't, she's twenty four!"
"Nathan, shut up!" I demanded. Both men had reduced to immaturity ever since the fight.
"So that's it then," Paul looked at his body in defeat, "I'm just going to live out my life in the body of your bimbo cousin."
"I'm not a bimb-" Nathan said before I intrupted him.
"She's not my cousin, at least she wasn't a month ago," I said. I explained to him for my third of fourth time since he transformed.
"Look I can fix this," I concluded. "I just think that my powers need to recharge. For the time being you'll just have to stay here with me. I honestly think that with how obsessed my mom is with Natalia she'll hunt you down and kidnap you. Look, Natalia is what you make it. Nathan made her one way, my dad did yard work in her body, and my cat kept her clean."
"Jeasus fuck," Paul groaned, "how many fucking people have been inside me?"
"If you count penetration-"
"Shut it Nathan," I intrupted. "Five, four if you don't count my mom in her skin for less than five minutes."
"So that makes it your mom, your dad, your cat, Nathan," he gave him a snide look, "and who else?"
I sighed and answered. "Some random cashire at McDolands. I did it to prove to Nathan my ability."
He cursed in Russian then looked at us. "You two are a piece of work," he pointed at both of us. "This might have been all fun and games for you two, but I'm an adult. I have a job, I have a mortage to pay. I can't just wait it out as Mr. Touchy over here," Paul pointed towards me, "waits for his powers to 'recharge.'" Emphasis with airqoutes.
"Nobody will know you're gone," I explained. "Becoming Natalia has this affect on the world where people just think of a reason why you're not there."
"My parents thought I was at summer camp in Montana," Nathan said. "They'll probably think you're on vacation somewhere."
"I have a photo shoot tomorrow. I can't just walk up with a pair of tits and shoot for men's underwear," he groaned. "Fuck I don't want to become a female model, they have it so much worse than us with their standards. It's fucked up man."
"You don't have to worry about money," Nathan chimed in. "Trust me, look at your bank account."
He passed Natalia's phone over to Paul. Paul clicked around before reaching her bank app. His eyes grew wide. "I could pay my mortage a hundred times over with this."
"See, no need to worry."
"How much is it?" I asked. Nathan never told me anything about Natalia's networth.
"A lot," he mouthed.
"Where did this money come from?"
All Nathan and I could answer with was a shurg.
"Here's an idea," Nathan said. "Call you work, see where people think you are now. That should give you some comfort."
Paul rolled Natalia's eyes and called up his modeling agency. He began speaking in Russian.
"Russian!" Nathan and I said in unison.
Paul caught himself and switched back over to English.
"Sorry about that miss. I am Natalia Sokolov with the Chrimerian Times. I'm doing an article on American male models, is Paul Dawson avalible for an interview?" Paul asked.
"Uh huh," he said. "I see. Thank you so much." He hung up.
"Soooo???" Nathan asked.
"Apparently I am very sick right now and the doctors don't know how long my recovery will be, so I'm bedridden for the foresable future."
"There you go," Nathan clapped his hands, "sick pay and everything. You're a free man."
"What the fuck is happening to me," Paul held his palms tightly to his head. "You," he pointed Natalia's finger towards me, "you better promise me that as soon as you're able to you're changing me back."
I answered with a very eager nod.
"Can we still see Twenty One Pilots?" Nathan asked.
Paul and I gave him the stink eye.
"Just had to make sure," he shrugged.
"So what's next?" Paul took another swig from the bottle.
"We wait, you live your life as Natalia, and as soon as I can I'll give her body to Thor until we fix everything."
"And if you need any help with picking outfits, or dressing yourself please do not hesitate to call me."
Paul looked Nathan in the eyes and gave the largest eye roll I've ever seen.
"Isn't it dangerous, being Natalia and all?" He asked. "I mean you were freaking the fuck out from the snowy photo."
"We're still working that out," I said.
"I'm pretty sure it's nothing." Nathan said. "Once everything is able to be fixed I'm sure her body would return to its rightful owner," he jabbed me with his elbow. Yeah I know, you want her body back, you don't need to be so overt with it.
"And you're parents will do and believe everything I say, and I can't get hangovers?" Paul took another swig.
"As far we know that's true," I said.
"Well in that case I'm going to put Natalia's liver through hell. I hope your parents can afford a new liqour cabinent every week." He began chugging the bottle of whiskey. Nathan and I sat stunned as he finished the entire half in a minute or less. "I need another." He held it out.
"We'll go get another," dragged Nathan with me to the other room.
"You need to get him under control," I snapped at my best friend.
"Why me?" He asked.
"You know him better than I do, talk to him." I handed him a random bottle off the shelf and shoved it into his hand. "Go!" I pointed to the room.
I stood outside of the livingroom for a half an hour or so before Nathan returned holding his hand on his temple, he looked in pain.
"What happened?"
"He finished another bottle," he passed the empty bottle toward me. I finally read the label, it was some sort of vodka.
"Did you get through to him at least?"
"More like he got through me," he removed his hand from his temple revealing a red and bloody patch of hair. "We're no longer together anymore."
"You two were never exclusive in the first place," I corrected him. Which I immediatly realized was a mistake the moment the sentence left my mouth.
"I wanted to be, but he was afraid of commitment after his divorce," Nathan cried. "I really liked him. We fucked because we, well Natalia and him, were hot, and we stayed together because we got each other. Now I'm just pathetic and ugly as shit Nathan, I don't think I'll ever find a relationship like that again. This is all your fault," he swung at me. His knucles connected with my jaw. The force knocked me off balance, the foor rose up to meet me. Nathan toward over me as I lied on the floor "If you hadn't have freaked out we could still be togther. You could have at least waited until morning, after Paul left."
"Nathan. We can fix this, just give me time. I can make you Natalia again, just give me time."
"Fuck you and your powers," he spat at me. "I don't want your pitty. I don't even think I want to be Natalia any more. You took the one thing from me that mattered because you're an socially inept piece of shit awkward pervert. You know what, that Insta is gone. The moment I get home I'm deleting it all. I can't believe I was to naive to trust a pervert like you. We're through!"
Nathan stormed out of the room and left me on the floor while a shit faced Natalia cried in the other room.